[This story is connected with my other story posted here: "Attack."]
Rating: MA for strong language & sexual situations.
Pairing: Colin/Jared (of course!)
1
[January 25, 2008]
Colin made his way warily through the crowd of people that had gathered backstage. It was a strange mix of band members, their friends and family, VIP guests, techies, the support crew, and security. Not unlike a film set, just more crowded, he thought. Finally, he spotted Shannon chatting with a very attractive young lady whom he did not recognize. He really didn’t want to interrupt, but time was a pressing issue at the moment.
Thankfully, Shannon spotted him before he had the chance to think of a suave way to ask where Jared was.
“Hey, Colin!” Shannon shouted with a wave, setting his drink down and excusing himself from his guest. He walked over to Colin and shook his hand firmly. “How are you?’
“I’m good…” Colin started before Shannon chimed in again.
“We didn’t know you were here. Jared thought…” he paused as someone patted him on the shoulder as he passed, praising the show they had just finished. “Thanks,” he said to the young man before continuing, “he’ll be happy to see you.”
“I hope so,” Colin said.
“Yeah, yeah,” Shannon assured him with a smile. “He’s not at his best today. It’ll cheer him up. He thought you weren’t coming.” Shannon was clearly looking for something in his pockets as he spoke. Finally, he grabbed Colin’s hand again as if to shake it, but pulled him into a hug. “The key to the dressing room,” he whispered. “He went to change. Right, left, left down the hall behind me.” Shannon patted him on the back a couple times before letting him go. “It’s good to see you, man,” he said at a normal volume.
“Yeah, you too,” Colin replied. He had always liked Shannon. Shannon was so calm and collected, most of the time. He supported his brother in everything, and Colin found that extremely admirable.
“Hey, we’ll catch up with dinner or something tomorrow before we take off, okay?” Shannon said, pointing at Colin as he took a few steps back to return to his lady friend and his drink.
“Sure, yeah, absolutely,” Colin said, discreetly slipping the key into his pocket and heading toward the door.
Colin followed Shannon’s directions down the hall and found the dressing room, or what he hoped was, as a plain, unmarked, locked door. Surely enough, the key worked and he stepped inside to see the floor littered with bags and clothes. All the lights were on and makeup and hair products were strewn over the top of a vanity table. He heard the shower running in the next room.
He took his shoes off and walked quietly toward the open door. His heart started to flutter, and he was so afraid of making a noise and ruining his surprise that he could scarcely breathe. They hadn’t seen each other, been alone for too long. Colin stepped warily into the doorway to delightfully witness through the opaque shower curtain, Jared standing under the spray, running his hands down his chest.
Colin leaned against the doorframe, finally taking a staggering breath, waiting for Jared to see him.
“What is…” Jared started, as he peered around the shower curtain.
Colin tried not to gasp. Water was running down Jared’s face, dripping from his hair—deep chestnut strands stuck to his forehead, the water pouring down and soaking his thin but divinely curved lips.
“Colin,” he breathed, blinking water from his eyelashes. “What are you…”
But before he could finish, Colin had Jared’s chin in his hand, his lips pressed against Jared’s open mouth, licking the water from his lips. Jared pulled away from him violently and started to gag.
“Happy to see me?” Colin asked with light sarcasm.
“Yes, I’m just…” Jared all but wretched, doubled over dry heaving. “I’m sick. I’ve been puking all day.”
“I’m sorry. Are you okay?” Colin asked as Jared wiped his face with his hands.
“Yeah, I’m tired,” Jared sighed turning back to stick his face under the water.
Colin realized that he was getting wet, but he didn’t care.
“I just have to make it through this show. Everything is going wrong.”
Jared turned the water off and grabbed the towel off the towel rack with a jerk.
“Here,” Colin said, taking the towel gently from Jared’s hands and started to run it over his body, down his chest and back, over his thighs and down his calves. Jared stood still, silently, with his eyes closed as Colin proceeded to dry him off.
Colin soon found himself shamelessly on his knees, practically lying on the floor, in fact, Jared’s foot in his hand. He kissed Jared’s toes, one by one, running his hands up his leg, the towel now on the shower floor, forgotten. He kissed up Jared’s foot, his leg, grapping his hips to pull himself up as his mouth traveled up Jared’s thigh. He had kept his eyes shut from the first kiss planted on Jared’s foot.
Colin backed Jared against the wall; he could feel his jeans getting soaked from the wet shower floor. Jared made a slight sound once his back hit the tiles. Colin braced himself with one hand against the wall, feeling how cold the tile was. He felt an increasingly familiar uneasiness wash over him—Jared was the only man he’d ever been with and being on the more submissive end was not his forte, he felt. But he also felt that he deserved to grovel before his lover, so he talked himself into it by simply repeating the golden rule to himself: do unto others as you’d have them do unto you, and he firmly gripped Jared’s hardening cock in his hand and licked him lasciviously.
He glanced up at Jared, who was staring down at him, open mouthed, water still dripping from his hair. He just nodded slightly at Colin. Colin remembered the first time he’d done this, how Jared had very vocally coaxed him out of his nervousness—his voice quavering as he praised every nervous movement. He could hear now in that little nod: “I want you to suck my cock, Colin.”
It wasn’t that he didn’t want to do it, that he didn’t enjoy it. Actually it was quite the opposite that posed the problem, and the sinking fear that it wasn’t good enough, that he wasn’t good enough for Jared. He had come here with every intention of telling Jared exactly what he had been thinking for so long. Though they had both admitted to loving one another, their relationship had become a long distance friendship with a number of isolated sexual encounters. But Colin was tired of that. I want all of you, he thought, as he pleasured Jared with his mouth. I will do anything to you, for you, with you…whatever. And he knew in his heart that Jared felt that way too. He could see it in the way he looked at him. They were both just too afraid of admitting it to themselves and each other.
Jared ran his fingers through Colin’s hair; he remained silent except for the occasional gasp of enjoyment. Colin, though, could not control his guttural noises of pleasure as he tasted Jared with increasing fervor. I love you…I want you to know it. Perhaps this was a way of telling him what he wanted to say. He let himself go completely.
Finally, he evoked a slight cry from his lover, which was just what he was after—he liked to hear that he was doing well.
“Yes,” Jared said through clenched teeth, his knees started to go weak beneath him.
Colin pulled away and smiled up at Jared. “Come in my mouth,” he demanded, licking him wickedly before returning to his deep, merciless sucking.
“Colin,” Jared shouted as he reached orgasm. Colin replied with a deep sound of satisfaction as he swallowed hard.
“Holy fucking…” Jared gasped.
“Yes?” Colin replied, looking up at him, licking his lips.
Jared pulled away from Colin quickly and hurried to the toilet to throw up. Colin stood up with a slight sigh, staring down at his soaked jeans, his hands helplessly out by his sides as if he wasn’t sure what to do next.
“Are you going to be okay?” he asked Jared, who gasped then coughed before clearing his throat. “What do you have? Have you been to the doctor?”
“You are going to be sick now,” Jared forced out between gags. “I’m sorry. I just have the stomach virus or something, I guess.”
Colin rolled his eyes. “You should see the doctor.”
Jared waved a hand at him, shaking his head. “No, I’m okay. Not enough sleep, too much work. I’ll get over it. I have to get ready for the show. We’re already running late from the hold up at the first one.”
Jared walked out into the dressing room and started to get dressed for the show. He tossed his bangs out of his eyes compulsively as he hurried to get ready. Colin stood silently in the doorway, watching him, watching his brain tick behind his eyes. Colin imagined that he was going through the first show, what he wanted to change for this on, what needed work.
“Here,” Jared said, interrupting his thoughts, throwing a pair of jeans at him. “Wear those, yours are soaked.”
“They’ll dry,” Colin replied. “Your clothes don’t fit me.”
“They’re Shannon’s. They’re clean,” Jared said, walking with purpose over the mirror to fix his hair.
Colin didn’t move though, he just stood there, staring at Jared, who stared at himself in the mirror just like any other common person would, focusing on making himself his standard of presentable. Colin tried to imagine what it was like to be Jared Leto. He slipped into acting mentality. If I had to play you what would I…
“Hey, throw me my shoes,” Jared said, turning to look at Colin now sleek haired and eye lined. “You’re staying after the show, right? I dread the queuing. We’re going to have to cut it somehow. I’m exhausted. Two shows in one night was too much…”
Colin handed Jared the shoes he had pointed to.
“Never again,” he continued, his eyes going wide as he stood on one foot, pulling his shoe on. “It’s fucking cold in here, don’t you think?” he asked, switching feet. “Where is my jacket? It’s blue…”
He was looking around the room, standing on one foot, shoe in hand, obviously exhausted and pale, licking his lips in contemplation and Colin was sure it was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Jared fell back down onto both his feet firmly again.
“There…” he started, turning to the left.
Colin walked over and grabbed him by the arms, hindering him from getting away again. He kissed him firmly on the mouth, gripping the back of his head, fingers tangled in his perfectly combed hair.
“I miss you,” Colin said. “I love you. I almost didn’t come, but I had to tell you, somehow. I am a mess without you. After what happened at Sundance…” he sighed. “Look, I’m sorry. I’m a fucking disaster. Tell me that you love me.”
Jared just stared at him for a moment.
“Tell me that you love me,” Colin demanded, kissing him again. “Say it, Jared. I know it’s true.” He wanted it to sound just as desperate and pathetic as it did, because that was exactly how he felt and he was sick of hiding it.
“Well, there no doubt that you love me,” Jared replied, pulling back a little, “kissing me like that after I just puked up my guts.”
Colin knotted his eyebrows. He let go of Jared.
“I told you that…” Jared started before glancing at his phone. “Shit, I gotta go, everyone else is already ready. Listen, I can’t talk about this right now.”
“When?” Colin asked all but interrupting him.
“Tomorrow, after the show, after I sleep, when I’m not so grumpy, when we have time,” Jared said, pulling his jacket on. “You know how I feel about you, Colin, and I think you know how I feel about us. Change your pants, go take your seat. I have a rock show to do.”
Someone knocked on the door. “Jared! One minute! We have to go on!”
“Coming!” Jared replied, tying his jacket belt. “I don’t like games, Colin.” He finished before stepping out, turning on his heels and heading down the hall.
[To be continued...]
